Welp. Things were pretty heavy the last time I was here. Currently, things are less acutely heavy, though I suspect they will remain at this mid-range weight until we get our hands on whatever little person is coming our way. I am trying to not go to the crazy place with this, and instead do things like *trust the process.* What this actually looks like is what A. referred to as being a “drunk hater.” According to her, this is in fact part of the process. Since I trust her, I will also trust that. And the fact that she told me that ovulation test kits are for suckers. SUCKERS.
In other news, I have thoughts brewing on the nature of female friendships, career ambition in your baby making days, and sharpening the tools in your toolbox. I think it’s best that I address these things when I am not in the throes of drunk hating.
I don’t know that much about marriage, really. But I will take solace in the knowledge that no one is reading this. (Which I know be true, thanks to site stats that indicate that the only visits here seem to have been directed by internet robots. Or whatever. I guess internet robots aren’t really a thing. Some crap site. Point being, no one is reading this, stop being self conscious.) But marriage is on a newlywed’s mind. And I’m coming off wedding planning, which, despite what one may think, included a fair bit of marriage planning, and then someone gave me a book about marriage (full disclosure, it’s Elizabeth Gilbert’s Committed, and I am a little embarrased to be reading it in the first place. It is annoying and self-aggrandizing and kind of off-putting, but I also appreciate that she went ahead and put some of the conversations that intelligent progressive women have about modern western marriages (and left out a lot too) in a book that is at least a quick read for someone like me, who loves reading but has become increasingly distracted by the internet and reads less and less). So I have some thoughts.
A thought: People seem to think of my relationship as more worthwhile now that it is a marriage. I might admit that so do I. I have mixed feelings about this. I think your relationship is important even if you aren’t married. But I also might think that my relationship is more committed than yours, and not because of the state recognized shit, or because we had a wedding, but because we made personal vows before our loved ones and asked them to be our community as we walk though this life together. Am I being superior?
Another thought: Your relationship is central to your emotional biography. It is a story you tell the world about yourself, and a story you and your partner tell yourselves about yourselves. This story is told in a squijillion iterations throughout your lifetime, and perhaps beyond. I’m not counting on that, but still.
Third thought: Your relationship will never look like mine. And I don’t mean that in a snarky, I am more evolved and better than you sort of way, I just mean that we are in our own relationships. We can learn from other people, and thank goodness for that, but marriage is no one size fits all kind of deal, and barring some abusive, deal breaker behaviors, I’ m in no position to judge your marriage (even though I might want to. I’m human.)
I have a pretty poor track record with blogging. However, because I mention at least three times a week that I would rather be a blogger than have a real day job (which I do have, by the way), here goes nothing.
I lack a cohesive theme. To the blog, and also probably in general. So probably I will post pictures of clothes. And pictures of animals in casts. And tiny rants and pictures of my cat. And also some things with slightly more content, such as thoughts about being 32 and feeling shocked that maybe I am one of the grown-ups in the room, and how I am a happily newlywedded woman who didn’t think she really wanted to get married, and how I actually have a pretty healthy view of self, but still find the way women talk about their flaws to be (often) deeply hilarious.
I make no promises about the merit of this endeavor. Good thing no one is reading yet.